Ten Reasons Why George Clooney Should Call Me
Reason Number 1: George Clooney recently said that he is “too old to have game." I understand completely. I, too, am too old to have game-- in truth, I probably never had game.
Reason Number 2: My children do not need a daddy. They are grown, amazingly well-adjusted and really quite amusing. They are also scarily independent, so we don't need to worry that they will barge in on us at Lake Como, sleep till noon, walk around in boxers and eat us out of pasta and prosciutto.
Reason Number 3: I do not need a sugar-daddy. However, I’ve been on my own for a couple of years now, so I could use some sugar. This will work to your advantage. Trust me.
Reason Number 4: My career will never eclipse yours. While I have harbored delusions of grandeur in any number of different endeavors, I have never once followed through on anything, so I think it is safe to say that my star will never outshine yours.
Reason Number 5: Our politics match. I am from a blue state (although I currently live in a great big red one). I never, ever, ever, EVER watch Fox News. Not watching Fox News is my only religion.
Reason Number 6: Not watching Fox News is my only religion. That’s it. No church, no holy obligations, no "you’re-going-to-hell-and-I’m-not." No religious wars. No God blessing my football team and not yours. Nada. We get to sleep in on Sunday morning.
Reason Number 7: I do not wish to remarry. I loved being married and I was a very good married person. For a long time. Really. Ask anyone. That being said, I'm not interested in repeating the experience. We can date for as long as we want, but we don't have to get married. And we definitely don't have to share a bathroom.
Reason Number 8: When it comes to arguments, I am a conscientious objector. (I can provide references who will back me up on this.) Hanging out with me is a very peaceful experience. I like it that way. You will, too.
Reason Number 9: I have no use for haute couture, $2,500 handbags or $75 hamburgers. Unless something really looks better, tastes better, or feels better (think million-thread count sheets), I can pass. However, while I firmly believe that clothes do not make the man, you are devastatingly, knee-weakeningly, gorgeous in that Armani tux, and I think you should wear it at least once a month, even if we are just hanging around the house.
Reason Number 10: I am low-maintenance. I drink plain vodka. If you want to mix it with something, make it ice. Skyy is nice. What time are you coming over?
Related post: Inappropriate on Three Continents
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